J's Musings

“A burnt child loves the fire.”
— Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

In The Picture of Dorian Gray, Wilde says this to imply that whatever environment one is brought up in, one grows to be fond of it — even if it’s not always the best. In similar ways, today’s teens are seen obsessing over (if not romanticizing) any ‘dark’ themes we can find.

From mafia fictional men to the mob wife aesthetic, why is our ideal world full of obscenities?

The most popular book duology today is It Ends with Us by Colleen Hoover. The first book was initially written to raise awareness against abuse and toxic relationships. Over a year of gaining popularity, people have now promoted it to the category of dark romance — which is, you guessed it, the most popular genre.

When It Ends with Us was originally published in 2016, it didn’t have much success. However, more recently, it briefly crossed the sales of The Bible. Another popular series is the Twisted series, which is once again a dark romance.

The genre refers to a slightly toxic relationship, where what would usually be considered a thriller is applied in a romantic setting. Hostage and kidnapping tropes are the most popular. Teenage girls have romanticized these relationships and even started wishing they could be real. There is a rise in the ‘book boyfriends’ trend, where people pretend that these characters are their romantic partners.

Another trend that rose a while ago was called the mob wife aesthetic. Basically, it involved dressing up like the wives of mob leaders. People romanticized their money and luxury. Whereas, in reality, mob wives had terrible lives, where their marriages were usually just deals and full of abuse.

Characters with grey morals are often romanticized. Male leads like Aaron Warner of Shatter Me, with no clear values or morals, are adored. Draco Malfoy, who was not necessarily a bad character but lost sight of what was important, is often called “every book girlie’s first book boyfriend.” While that is a personal choice, many more people are seen engaging in similar content.

Now, why are such trends all the rage?

We kids grew up seeing a messed-up world. From husbands killing wives in the headlines to actors who fix mistakes with plain PR, we grew up surrounded by a lack of genuine love, tender faces, and strong morals.

If we are burnt children, this is our fire.

We have adapted to a botched world. We know love can come in all forms, and that having love is more important than the quality of it. The world around us is so disordered that we believe looking put together is the most put-together we can have in our life. Most importantly, we have never known anyone who had a final set of values. Everyone was playing some or the other game.

Our way of coping is by bringing and incorporating these facts into the media we consume and our daily routines. Because if it’s everywhere, it’s easier to digest.

The best way to heal from this is to make changes in the world around us. Less glorification of disgusting people in power, not supporting inherently baseless figures, and bringing back tenderness — tenderness in love, in people, and everywhere else.

Popularizing media about healthy relationships and slowly becoming the generation that does not let toxicity be normalized is our responsibility.

Changing the world takes time, but it all starts on the inside. What do we allow to be our normal? And how far will society change us until we forget we can change it back?

-Janhavi